"No, Jonathan, I'm not saying it's that easy. In fact, this will probably be one of the most difficult things you will ever do, no matter which way it goes."
Daniel leaned back in his seat and sipped on his Italian cream soda. The inside of the coffee shop was dimly lit, and the smell of fresh cinnamon rolls wafted through the air. Jonathan sat across the table from him sipping on some kind of coffee, an espresso if today was like any other day.
"Yeah, that's for sure. I don't know what to think anymore."
Jonathan leaned forward and put his head into his hands, absentmindedly twisting a brown curl in his fingers.
"It's not as though there's a book you can read about it in. Maybe you can write it later, eh Christina? I can see the title now: how to win the heart of the guy you dumped!"
Daniel dodged the punches Christina threw at him, barely holding on to his perch. Even though most people don't find trees to be the most comfortable, Daniel never had any trouble relaxing on the branches of just about any tree.
"It's not funny!"
Christina crouched on a nearby branch, staring daggers at her obnoxious friend.
"Well, I know this is ridiculous to say/impossible to do, but try not to think about it too much. You'll give yourself a headache that way. Besides, what this needs is a bit of time; maybe some sleep as well."
"Ha. I don't think you have anything to tell me about sleep."
"Touche. Never-the-less, whatever decision you have to make, wait until your head clears. Your emotions are confused now: they are probably unreliable. If you act based on that, you may make a huge mistake. This something that will affect the rest of your life: you obviously, can't take rush it or take it lightly."
Jonathan thought about it a moment, stirring his coffee halfheartedly.
"Look, Daniel, I don't see my head clearing any time soon. I just barely got over her, and now she marches back into my life as though nothing happened? What am I supposed to do with that?"
Daniel let out a sigh as he reclined and closed his eyes, as if sleeping.
"Look, you both screwed up, but probably both on accident too. I think you may have just gotten tangled up in bad communication and stuff: you both misunderstood each other in the worst way. With time and effort from both of you, this could be fixed."
Christina dropped to the ground and leaned back against the trunk of the tree, fists clenched.
"Wa ga teru, but I've already apologized..." the tears began to flow down her cheeks. "What am I supposed to do now?"
"I don't have the answers. Like I said before, there's no book for this. Well, actually, you could probably find a book; but it would be just as likely to lead you astray as it would be to help you. What works in one case is just as likely to fail in another. Love is just that complicated and attempts to solve it logically usually end up in absurdities. I tried to solve it with math once, and ended up with one plus one equals purple."
"Ha ha ha! Daniel, you're hilarious." Jonathan drained his coffee and crushed the cup in his hand. "I just don't think I need to have my heart broken again. I mean, I forgave her an' all, but that doesn't mean that I should act like it didn't happen."
"Look, Jonathan, you have no idea how fortunate you are. I mean, the girl you fell in love with broke your heart, right? Most guys never get a second chance like you're getting. I've been in love twice, you know? The first time didn't work out, but the scars on my heart will never go away. I love Laura with all of my heart, but I think it would have been easier if I had been able to give her an undamaged heart. You have a chance to heal in a way that I did not: to erase those scars and turn them into memories that add to your story. I've known you for, what? My whole life? I think I know you pretty well. The reasons you had for choosing her were good reasons, and they still apply. She's still a good person, and flawed just like you. If the two of you can make it through this, you can probably make it through anything."
Daniel landed in front of Christina and put his hands on her shoulders.
"Look, I know this isn't easy; but life just isn't easy. When it comes to love, you can only do so much yourself. You're going to have to trust and hope in him; you've done everything you can for now. But cheer up, I'm rooting for you."
"I wish I had all the answers for you, but I suppose that would be too easy. I will be praying for you guys, that's for sure. Just remember: if there is anything I can do, let me know. We can talk like this any time you want."
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Past, Present, and Future
Balance. They always said things like "The key to life is balance." How true is this, do you think? I think it is only partially true. I find that the balance is the key to a stress free life, but "stress free" isn't necessarily good. After all, some of the best things in life come from extremes.
But I am getting ahead of myself. Before that, let me talk about how I see my own life.
We constantly exist in different phases of time. When we study, learn, and imitate - we are living in the past. We study the past and imitate those who know more than we: all this is to learn what other people have already discovered. It is certainly a good thing to do, as it is faster to learn from someone else than to discover on our own. When we create, build, and discover - we are living in the future. That which we accomplish benefits our future as well as the future of those who come afterwards. When we take the time to enjoy that which is around - be it a movie, a book, or just the smell of roses - we are living in the present. Our accomplishments mean little if we do not take the time to benefit from them.
Everything we do has something to do with all three phases. For instance, school is studying the past to prepare for the future; yet it can be enjoyed as part of the present. All three parts are important to a successful life, and I feel most calm when I am balancing all three (inasmuch as I can). I am not at a level where I can easily create that which is useful or that others have not already done, so I continue studying. One day, I hope to know enough to actually discover/create something new. For now, my creativity is limited to composing music and writing stories.
As I said before, some of the best things in life are born from extremes. When we are children, we spend most of our time learning. When we are adults, we risk much that we have on the hope of a better future. Most importantly (in my mind), falling in love (to me) was the fullest example of living in the present that is possible.
Many of the natural genius' that brought us so far forward, such as Mozart and others like him, spent the majority of their life in the future...and died young for not paying heed to the present. Many others focus on their school so much that they neglect all the other things in their life. Why is it always the present that is ignored? Well, I suppose that's not entirely true. After all, the hippy movement was all about ignoring the past and the future.
I've heard it said that C students do better in life than straight A students...I wonder if that is true. If so, I doubt it is because they were unable to get an A. Perhaps they spent time in the present, not just the past.
But I am getting ahead of myself. Before that, let me talk about how I see my own life.
We constantly exist in different phases of time. When we study, learn, and imitate - we are living in the past. We study the past and imitate those who know more than we: all this is to learn what other people have already discovered. It is certainly a good thing to do, as it is faster to learn from someone else than to discover on our own. When we create, build, and discover - we are living in the future. That which we accomplish benefits our future as well as the future of those who come afterwards. When we take the time to enjoy that which is around - be it a movie, a book, or just the smell of roses - we are living in the present. Our accomplishments mean little if we do not take the time to benefit from them.
Everything we do has something to do with all three phases. For instance, school is studying the past to prepare for the future; yet it can be enjoyed as part of the present. All three parts are important to a successful life, and I feel most calm when I am balancing all three (inasmuch as I can). I am not at a level where I can easily create that which is useful or that others have not already done, so I continue studying. One day, I hope to know enough to actually discover/create something new. For now, my creativity is limited to composing music and writing stories.
As I said before, some of the best things in life are born from extremes. When we are children, we spend most of our time learning. When we are adults, we risk much that we have on the hope of a better future. Most importantly (in my mind), falling in love (to me) was the fullest example of living in the present that is possible.
Many of the natural genius' that brought us so far forward, such as Mozart and others like him, spent the majority of their life in the future...and died young for not paying heed to the present. Many others focus on their school so much that they neglect all the other things in their life. Why is it always the present that is ignored? Well, I suppose that's not entirely true. After all, the hippy movement was all about ignoring the past and the future.
I've heard it said that C students do better in life than straight A students...I wonder if that is true. If so, I doubt it is because they were unable to get an A. Perhaps they spent time in the present, not just the past.
Friday, July 20, 2012
The Creator's Mind
Lately, I have been delving into the world of artificial intelligence. I find myself endlessly fascinated by the attempt to replicate the processes of the human mind. Besides the interesting ways that people go about trying to create intelligence, the basic approach always goes back to the study of the human mind.
So not surprisingly, my study thus far has been mostly of philosophy and psychology. The more I learn about the attempt to create a mind, the more I learn about my own mind. With my tendency to think of things in simple math terms: I'd assume that the limit as my knowledge of AI approaches a working prototype, my understanding of my own mind should approach completion. Could I ever understand my own mind enough to make an artificial copy? Or, in the more likely case, should I be unable to understand my own mind: could I create a mind not entirely based on my own? In an extremely unlikely scenario, could an artificial mind be synthesized that is better than the human mind?
Do not mistake me: I am not so arrogant as to think that I can do these things. In all honesty, I simply hope to learn enough about my mind to make a better person of myself. I hope to learn enough about the subject of artificial intelligence to remove the necessity for humans to perform a few difficult or dangerous tasks.
I wonder what it was like for God to create intelligence minds. As I understand it, angels also have free will - so I wonder what it was that He made different about men. Curious, He made us in His image? What does that mean? Does it have to do with the mind? With intelligence or will? Perhaps the ability to create?
Well, rather than leave you with these unanswered questions, here's some tidbits from my studies:
"As a general rule, it is better to design performance measures according to what one actually wants in environment, rather than according to how one thinks the agent should behave."
"Which is better - a reckless life of highs and lows, or a safe but humdrum existence?"
"[...R]ationality is not the same as perfection. Rationality maximizes expected performance, while perfection maximizes actual performance[...]if we expect an agent to do what turns out to be the best action after the fact, it will be impossible to design an agent to fulfill this specification - unless we improve the performance of crystal balls or time machines."
~"Artificial Intelligence: A Modern Approach" by Stuart Russell and Peter Norvig
So not surprisingly, my study thus far has been mostly of philosophy and psychology. The more I learn about the attempt to create a mind, the more I learn about my own mind. With my tendency to think of things in simple math terms: I'd assume that the limit as my knowledge of AI approaches a working prototype, my understanding of my own mind should approach completion. Could I ever understand my own mind enough to make an artificial copy? Or, in the more likely case, should I be unable to understand my own mind: could I create a mind not entirely based on my own? In an extremely unlikely scenario, could an artificial mind be synthesized that is better than the human mind?
Do not mistake me: I am not so arrogant as to think that I can do these things. In all honesty, I simply hope to learn enough about my mind to make a better person of myself. I hope to learn enough about the subject of artificial intelligence to remove the necessity for humans to perform a few difficult or dangerous tasks.
I wonder what it was like for God to create intelligence minds. As I understand it, angels also have free will - so I wonder what it was that He made different about men. Curious, He made us in His image? What does that mean? Does it have to do with the mind? With intelligence or will? Perhaps the ability to create?
Well, rather than leave you with these unanswered questions, here's some tidbits from my studies:
"As a general rule, it is better to design performance measures according to what one actually wants in environment, rather than according to how one thinks the agent should behave."
"Which is better - a reckless life of highs and lows, or a safe but humdrum existence?"
"[...R]ationality is not the same as perfection. Rationality maximizes expected performance, while perfection maximizes actual performance[...]if we expect an agent to do what turns out to be the best action after the fact, it will be impossible to design an agent to fulfill this specification - unless we improve the performance of crystal balls or time machines."
~"Artificial Intelligence: A Modern Approach" by Stuart Russell and Peter Norvig
Monday, July 2, 2012
Retrospection
"Understanding the past is key to changing the future."
If I could manipulate time as I pleased, then rather than see the future from the past, I would prefer to look upon the past and present with the understanding that I will gain in the future. It is wisdom that I crave, wisdom and understanding that helps one to make the best choices possible.
At times in my life, I have had some measure of understanding that others did not; this, however, was balanced by my total lack of understanding in other important areas. Why is it that I can give better advice to other people than I can give to myself? It's like I'm farsighted: the closer it gets to me, the less clear it becomes. Yet, when time passes, I can look back and know exactly what I should have done.
This is as frustrating as leaving a test only to remember the answers to the problems you missed. Somewhere in my head, the answer exists; never-the-less, I cannot bring it to the forefront until it is too late. The worst part is knowing that I already have the answer, but being unable to use what I have learned when I need it most. Is there some discipline that I must learn, perhaps a pair of glasses that can correct my vision?
On a separate topic, though perhaps not wholly unrelated, my mind seems to be far ahead of my ability. In my writing, the story is written in my mind - why can't I get it onto the page? I know exactly what I want to draw, but my fingers will not cooperate. The music I've designed is beautiful, but my ineptitude at performance makes it difficult to share with the world. I should probably learn to write the music down on paper, but I'm afraid I cannot even do that right now.
What do I need to practice to calm my mind and apply what I know about others to my own situations?
I must think on this.
Edit:
I just went over some old emails from when I was 14, and to my abject horror I made the same mistakes then as I did during college. Same song different verse. I shall now go hang my head in shame for not learning the first time.
If I could manipulate time as I pleased, then rather than see the future from the past, I would prefer to look upon the past and present with the understanding that I will gain in the future. It is wisdom that I crave, wisdom and understanding that helps one to make the best choices possible.
At times in my life, I have had some measure of understanding that others did not; this, however, was balanced by my total lack of understanding in other important areas. Why is it that I can give better advice to other people than I can give to myself? It's like I'm farsighted: the closer it gets to me, the less clear it becomes. Yet, when time passes, I can look back and know exactly what I should have done.
This is as frustrating as leaving a test only to remember the answers to the problems you missed. Somewhere in my head, the answer exists; never-the-less, I cannot bring it to the forefront until it is too late. The worst part is knowing that I already have the answer, but being unable to use what I have learned when I need it most. Is there some discipline that I must learn, perhaps a pair of glasses that can correct my vision?
On a separate topic, though perhaps not wholly unrelated, my mind seems to be far ahead of my ability. In my writing, the story is written in my mind - why can't I get it onto the page? I know exactly what I want to draw, but my fingers will not cooperate. The music I've designed is beautiful, but my ineptitude at performance makes it difficult to share with the world. I should probably learn to write the music down on paper, but I'm afraid I cannot even do that right now.
What do I need to practice to calm my mind and apply what I know about others to my own situations?
I must think on this.
Edit:
I just went over some old emails from when I was 14, and to my abject horror I made the same mistakes then as I did during college. Same song different verse. I shall now go hang my head in shame for not learning the first time.
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